A Little About Me and My Man
Happy Valentines. I hope you are surrounded by those you love today. As I sit here in my hospital bed, I thought I would take a few minutes to tell you all our story.. because why not?
Ryan and I met in the Summer of 2009. A roommate of mine was good friends with him, and when he was around I was truly attracted to how “different” he was than most men I had met. I felt smitten by him. {Cue the awes}. The first time he met me, and found out I was still dating someone, he told his friends when I was single that he would be asking me out. A year later, when an x and I had called it quits for good, Ryan came into the picture, changing everything I thought a relationship should be. It was really so much more than that though. He was the first man to respect me more than I respected myself. He saw me for more than I could see myself and constantly encouragement me to see myself for the worth that Christ saw in me. There is something so special about someone who helps you understand how truly worthy you are.
We were engaged a year later and married four months after our engagement. I wish I could say its always been butterfly and rainbows, but the truth is, any good marriage goes through seasons of growing pains, and we did that early on. We entered into marriage with our own expectation of what marriage looked like, and I think if we were both honest, we cared about our own desires more than eachothers. We hadn’t figured out the magic in putting one another before ourselves. The kind of love that Christ talks about. The selfless kind. I think we both had a desire to have that kind of marriage but it hadn’t quite clicked yet.
On our first anniversary Ryan left for boot camp and OCS through the Army, and I lived alone in our little apartment. For the next 8 months, our marriage consisted of phone calls, snail mail, and a couple brief trips to see one another. During that time I think we both began to really understand that value in each other, and how much we truly appreciated what each of us brought to the marriage. I started seeing the things in my life that he “completed”, as cliche as that sounds. He brings ration to my crazy emotion, and self control to my unconstraint, and the witty to my terrible humor.(Don’t tell him I told you that, I still swear I am kinda funny.)
After Ryan came home from his training, we found out we were expecting our first son. As wonderful as that time was, we dealt with my sickness through pregnancy and Ryan learned the selfless duty of taking care of me full time, while working a new job as a pastor, and continuing to serve in the military. The poor man has had to take care of me in ways he really shouldn’t have to at this young of an age. Ill save you from the fun details.
We left for Missouri for more military training when our little Carson was just 3 months old. It was another change and another learning curve for the both of us. We had to learn being away from the support of family, and having a newborn in an unfamiliar place. In this time, I think the Lord grew in us a different kind of love. The kind that has no choice but to lean on one another and deal with the issues and days as they came.
We found out we were expecting our second son when our oldest was 6 months old. I had planned on returning to Cali and working while Ryan finished his training. This is the another example of our plans not working out exactly as we had planned. For the both of us being planners, our marriage has not been anything like either of us had planned. Isn’t that the beauty in what the Lord can truly do though? I quit my job and decided to finish out our time in Missouri together. When we came home in October, we found out Ryan’s unit would be deployed to Afghanistan in the early spring (about the same tine as I was due with our son). If it hadn’t been for our pregnancy we would have spent the short months before his deployment apart. I love that God orchestrated those details and gave our family that extra time together.
We learned to pray hard during this time, and had to learn to lay down any and all expectation we both had. His official date came in, and we found out he would leave just a few days after our sons due date. Luckily the Lord brought us our sweet baby boy Camden 7 days before Ryan left. Man were those 7 days sweet. We soaked up every second as a new family of 4.
During his deployment, we relearned the long distance relationship thing again and rediscovered the beauty in relying on each other in a new way. Staying connected emotionally can be so hard when you aren’t together each day, but through prayer and intentional conversations we were able to stay connected and love each other from afar.
Ryan returned from his deployment in December that year, 9 months later, and we resumed what we thought to be normal life. Is life ever really normal? These last couple of years have been some of the sweetest in our marriage, but also some of the hardest. You would think with all the trainings, deployments, multiple moves, children, and crazy life that nothing would effect us, but the reality of life is that we go through seasons.
We have since been through a season of transition with jobs, and last year we lost two babies to an ectopic pregnancy and then a miscarriage. To say our marriage has been perfect would be a lie. But I can say that I can’t imagine going through the hardships and trials we have without a Godly man like Ryan, who has always put the Lord first and loved me through it. He is the best darn daddy Ive ever seen, and our marriage is full of love and laughter, and yes the occasional disagreement. What I have learned through it all is putting one another above ourselves and putting Christ at the center of it is is the most important. I don’t have to worry about me when I know he is worried about me.. and I know we aren’t experts on marriage and have our downfalls, but I am so grateful to have a man that leads my family in the way he does. 7 Years later, 2 babies here, 2 in heaven, and one in my belly, 5 homes, and multiple months apart from one another.. one thing has remained constant- our love for one another and trying every day to put each other above ourselves. And with that, I am confident we can get through any trial.
Happy Valentines Day…. Thanks for being here!!
